Who we are
It is written that Pontus, primordial god of the sea, had an incestuous, tempestuous relationship with his mother, Gaia. This is what we know from a trusted insider. If you need facts, buy the full report on the exchange.
Five days before the end of Permian, anybody who was anybody received an email from Cronus, CEO of Cosmos Inc, himself. It was an invitation to a small party he organized to welcome the coming of a new geologic era here on Earth. All notifications were paperless because gods were committed to save the ferns. The gathering was intimate: a few galactic VIPs and local notabilities. They were celebrating the beginning of an era, not an eon. Gaia could not make it because she was pregnant with Phorcys.
Cronus presented with great fanfare his vision of the rise of the dinosaurs. After the slideshow, the gods mingled. They gorged on spicy Trilobitos, the latest fad in party trays. Pontus was introduced to Pangaea by a mutual friend from nearby Centaurus. They instantly fell in love. It was a volcanic affair that ended in tragedy. Gaia learned of the transgression from her spies. She vowed revenge. She instantly killed nearly all the creatures in the ocean, causing the End-Permian mass extinction. Gaia cursed Pangaea’s love to be helplessly and eternally barren. That put a strain on her relationship with Pontus. He had hoped that Pangaea will bear offspring to bring back life in the sea. Both aware that there will be no children in their future, a rift grew between them. In early Jurassic she split and eventually drifted.
Pontus was on the rebound. He was mad at Gaia and wanted nothing to do with her. When he went to pick up his things, several witnesses heard him shout: “Impossible woman! Terrible mother! Mediocre lover!” Now, that’s not the way to talk to a parent!
But time was young. The Pacific was nascent. Hawaii was in the territorial waters of Mexico. Asia, ten leagues away, also claimed jurisdiction. The rift with America was just beginning to grow while Europe was pushed along. From the Alps to the Himalayas, everybody was getting high on isostatic pressure.
One day Pontus found Kilauea resting on the edge of a pool of lava. “She’s the hot spot of this new peaceful ocean,” he thought. She wore a spring blouse with ethnic floral embroidery that let little to the imagination. Later they sold millions of these under Matisse label. Her long hair reached to the sea in incandescent strands. There was a glow about her that was visible outside the galaxy for those who had eyes to see it. Pontus could not resist. He approached her with gentle waves that touched her hair in flirty strokes.
“You’re hot, babe,” he said.
“Is that so obvious? Come up with a line I haven’t heard, old man. Look, I have an island to build. If you mean business, make your move before my break is up,” she replied smiling.
They embraced. Pontus poured his foaming waters into Kilauea’s gaping crater. For one brief moment that lasted an eternity, fire and water, air and earth, coexisted, bound together by aether of the gods. While still veiled in fumes and steam, under the loving eyes of Pontus, Kilauea spewed one hundred babies into the world, only minutes apart from each other. They called the one hundredth centuple, Centiki. The fates listed this chubby tiki on their website as the man-god of fashion, gallantry and all digital endeavors.
